What’s up with manners?


“It takes a village to raise a child.”

If it does take a village to work with families, to raise a child and endure the tribulations in life how are we to influence the contemporary village to enable our children to flourish? There has been a change in this contemporary village relating to the people we share the village with. In many instances, we no longer chat with our neighbors(as a souherner this would mean on our porches over a glass of lemonade or brewed ice tea or at the local store). Today, we wander tediously around shopping malls. We don’t live in an environment where it is safe to leave our homes unlocked and let our children play in our front yard.

Child development is personal and I am  not in a position to offer any definitve answers but I am rather raising questions to reflect on. What constitutes a family? Is a single individual with a child a family? What value or benefit does the family bring to society? Controversial issues with different points of views but we can agree that family is a network that supports and affects our lives. So where am I going with all of this.

A child’s behavior that snowballs out of control and a rage of words that in my youth I would had gotten a piece of hot chili pepper put in my mouth. When parents allow their children to rule the house rest assure trouble will breathe through those walls. Where can a parent make excuses for his/her child, “oh this is the way he is as my friend expresses herself to not offend her nephew. How can parents just sit there and watch these things go on.

 The Prophet never used bad language niether a “Fahish nor a Mutafahish. He used to say “The best amongst you are those who have the best manners and character.” (Hadith #56 Vol. 8, Book #56, Hadith #759) Narrated “Abdullah bin ‘Amr

 I won’t raise a brat and I refuse to raise a child that will not clean up after himself or take his glass to the sink and especially to humiliate women. Who is to blame fo this child’s behavior, which carried him into manhood? We are not raising little people but adults. It’s the momma, mother, madre (whatever language) who allow these little boys to get away with doing nothing wrong.

I had fear of my mother who piched us if we even made faces to what other people served us to eat or drink at their homes. Even if we opened the refrigerator at my uncle’s home without reason or slam the door behind us we would get a stare from her. Today, there has been more empowerment, attitude, a lack of manners, and respect for elders displayed by some of our children.

Children learn what they live and I also think that when children are given this much power it only leads to disaster. There also seems to be the notion that if someone else steps in to try and correct out of goodness and humblness one  just may be making things worse.

So, where is the village?


4 responses to this post.

  1. You have to know how to raise the child…


  2. The important part of Family a good mom. A mom can control and handle family. She has this power more than a man. The best way is to be friend and not just mom. I think it works.
    I am very friend with my mom. We talk and discuss so much about so many subjects. Of course she does not belong to my era. But she tries to read and learn and not to be somebody doesnt know about the subjects we talk. So she always knows more than us. Me and my siblings never could do something wrong, not bcs of fearing. But for we trust her so much. I think we had more freedom than other children in childhood.
    She is always a mom, friend, companion, supporter, teacher and a sample of feminity and motherhood for me..
    She always says to me:”If you want to be a good mom, you need to teach your children but also learn from them.”
    Anyway UmmAbdurrahman, plz have self- confidance.. You are very good mom 😉


  3. As Salaamu Alaikum Sis Sharzad:

    Thank you for stopping by . Yes, I agree completely with the mom being the most important person.


  4. Posted by adikbongsu on August 18, 2007 at 4:30 am

    Salam ‘alaik,

    indeed a good mum is important, do read this article at this link :


    hope its beneficial to all of us, insya-Allah. 🙂


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